How much time is need to morn the loss of control over a limb ? or adjust to the fact that this disease is all about pain management. I'll be honest I'm not in a huge amount of pain but my the future of my disease is uncertain.. will it progress fast or slow .. is the fact that my hips are affected a sign its progressing fast ? How long before I loose my independance ? How long before the pain meds stop working ? Will I be a horrible patient or will I adjust.
Living with my nan really brings this all home she needs help about the house I don't mind doing it and she is more than thankful but it I keep wondering how long til I need help like this.
I KNOW I KNow ... I am not that bad yet but I can't help thinking about it. Between the frustrations of looking after gran , the frustrations of this disease , the lack of study being done and the fact I currently can't practise piano it is getting to me just a tad.
I worry I'm gonna become 'Psoriatic Arthritis and me', I'm not sure the title of my blog is that good I am much more that just PA but it is currently mastering me and I don't want to be known as Katie who has arthritis .. which could happen if I continually keep talking about it !! argh argh argh. Is it the uncertainty of the disease which is annoying me ? Either way I want to keep it a small part of me if possible. Whats the issue about being know for having arthritis ??.. I'm obviously not that comfortable with it yet and worried I won't be able to control it.
I've also been going on unnecessary guilt trips. There are sooo many inspirational blogs out there about individuals who are coping with arthritis and a helllova lot more besides .. I was comparing my disease to theirs .. mine is currently nothing in comparission. But it is mine and I'll deal with it in my own time and I shouldn't worry about how others deal with their illness that is their business.
:D one day at a time
YAWN
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